I suppose that is something of a rhetorical question but I really would like an answer at some point. Yesterday was a good day. A really good day. A rare enough commodity in our lives that I would have liked to try to build on success. Instead, money came in today. Living on a fixed income is hard. It is stressful. It sucks and it also sucks the life out of happiness and relationships. Every month we struggle and every month we fall short. I was trying to prevent that from happening this month which seemed to mostly consist of saying "No" far too much. I don't like being the responsible one. I don't like being the one who has to say no all the time. Add to that today was my last final for the semester. We also are....were trying to make a nice Mother's Day gift for the grandparents. Unfortunately, that served as the proverbial fuse. I suppose I didn't make myself clear enough on what I wanted to do or I didn't understand what he wanted to do well enough. I'm not sure exactly where things went wrong but I know they went wrong, very wrong, again.
I don't want to get a divorce. I love my husband. I'm also 38 and don't want to start over again. I just want to make things work. I wish my husband would stop threatening me with divorce every time we have a bad argument. I begin to wonder if that is what he really wants, if he even loves me at all. He says I'm the one who wants the relationship over but that couldn't be further from the truth. I just want things to work out. I suppose we are one train wreck of a little family. Some days I'd at least like to downgrade to a car crash.
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